Welcome to Self Esteem Truths. Here we safely address the real-life struggles that effect your self-esteem, including life changes, the daily grind and deep emotional pain. Each episode dives into a truth about why you struggle and what we can do about it with your host, Christine, a certified Confidence Coach. In episode one you can hear Christine's story and learn more about how she can help. This is an easy to listen to podcast that will make you laugh and relate and give you that push you've been looking for to finally start gaining confidence in yourself.
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You are probably here because you want to build your self esteem. In this episode we are going to talk about some of the basics to building that foundation.
ABOUT CHRISTINE
Christine Crise is a Master Certified Confidence Coach, author, speaker, and host of Self Esteem Truths.
She helps heart-centered, high-achieving adults strengthen their confidence, communicate clearly, and set healthy boundaries—so they can create greater success and freedom without abandoning themselves in the process.
Christine is also the bestselling author of Break the Cycle with Your Mother: Best Practices When Your Past Stands in the Way of Your Success.
WORK WITH CHRISTINE
Interested in the Boundary Bootcamp, the Confidence Course, private coaching, or inviting Christine to speak?
Welcome. I am your host, Christine, and this is the Self-Esteem Truth podcast. A podcast about discovering the truth, about who we are, why we struggle, and how we can overcome. This podcast is designed to help you transform your life as we dive weekly into new questions about self-esteem truth. Hi, this is Christine, and this is episode 12. Today we're going to be talking about self-esteem, specifically how to build self-esteem, how to get self-esteem back, how to keep it. This is not going to be an episode where we solve everything in 15 minutes. This will be something we are going to need to address more than once, and that's okay. So let's start with some basics. Self-confidence is like a muscle. It's not something that you have or you don't have. And just like a muscle, it is important that we exercise it. True confidence is not cockiness, it is not putting other people down. It is not in your face. True confidence comes from a place of a gentle, peaceful knowing and doesn't need to prove itself. So let's get one thing cleared up very quickly before we dive any farther into this. You have the right to feel confident. You were born with a God-given right to be confident. Why? Because you were born with a God-given purpose and God-given abilities to accomplish that purpose. Ergo, you have a right to be confident. Let's get down to the basics of how we actually make this work. Most likely you've heard the phrase, fake it till you make it, or you've heard it said to just say it until it becomes true. And I'm gonna make this a little simpler than that. A part of you is already deserving of that confidence. A part of you is already strong enough, capable enough, pretty enough, smart enough. We're not faking anything. We're not going to lie to ourselves. What we are going to do is feed what is already good and strong and capable within us, and stop feeding the things that are destructive within us. This is not something that we force or make up or trick ourselves into. Confidence is not something flashy or showy or in anybody's face. And the reason that it's able to be a gentle knowing is because it is deeply rooted in the truth. The very first thing that you need to work on if you want to build confidence is trusting yourself. But maybe not in the way that you think that I mean that. I don't mean trust yourself, jump on a bike, and try to do a flip. You probably can't do that yet. But what I do mean is that if you're going to say something to yourself, make sure you're telling the truth. Make sure you have follow through. And this is the truth with any big change. It's really the little details that we usually overlook. If you say you're gonna have a healthy breakfast, have that healthy breakfast so you can trust you to follow through. If you say you're gonna fold your laundry this weekend, fold your laundry this weekend so you can trust you to have follow through. If you say you are going to talk to your boss about taking on a bigger project, you talk to your boss. Why? So you can trust you to have follow through. So often a lack of confidence comes from a very basic place of us not being able to trust us because we don't stick by what we tell ourselves we're going to do. So if you can look into your own life and realize that there's many instances where you've told yourself you're gonna work out, you're gonna lose weight, you're gonna look for a new job, you're gonna spend more time with your kids, you're gonna get less angry, and you have not done those things, you're not gonna trust yourself. Trust is the biggest part of confidence. Because isn't that how it works with other people? We are confident in the people that we trust. We are confident in the companies that we trust. We allow people close to us because we are confident we can trust them. Doesn't it stand to reason that the same would be true within ourselves? Now this goes into one of the other things that you've heard me talk about a lot, and that's being aligned with yourself, being aligned with your truth, and being aligned with your purpose. If you know deep in your soul that you were meant for something, and you are not doing that thing yet, you are going to have a hard time trusting yourself, even if you're really great at the thing you're doing now. Now, here's the other part of this. This the little things with deliberate intention of doing them well. Now here's the last little step I'm going to give you this time. Gather positive evidence. Make note of any evidence of you doing it well. Take notice, give it a moment to appreciate it when you successfully accomplish something. And again, these don't have to be great things. Celebrate that success. It's really easy for us to have a lot of great things happen or do a lot of great things and just think that it's expected of us or normal or the base standard, so we dismiss it as irrelevant. And then we do something wrong or make a mistake or fail at something, and that is the only thing we put up on the board to measure ourselves by. That's not accurate. Could you imagine if you'd been in college and your professor was giving you your grade for the semester, and he said, Well, you got A's on 80% of your assignments, but that's just the standard, so we're not counting those. I'm only grading these three assignments over here where you got a C minus or a D. So your pat your grade now is a C minus.
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What? No. We wouldn't accept that. Could you imagine if your boss did that to you? Well, I see you closed fifteen deals this month. And twelve is average, but fifteen's still just your basic standard. We're not counting those. But those seven people you talked to that didn't close deals, yeah, we're penalizing you for that. You'll you'll note the penalization in your paycheck this month. What? Would you accept that? And yet we do this to ourselves. And we do it with silly things. We'll dismiss a good hair day. We will dismiss losing five pounds because nobody else will notice. We dismiss a good day at work because we remember when we messed up a couple of weeks ago. That's not a healthy way to gauge whether or not you're being successful or failing. Everything should be measured and counted. Everything goes on the board. And so what I really want you to focus on this week as we get deeper into building confidence is saying what you mean and doing what you say, even with the little itty bitty things. I want you to practice being amazing. If it's something as little as how you're dicing the carrots for dinner, or how you're reading the storybook to your child, or how you're talking to your assistant, or the attention you give to picking out your tie that day, be deliberate in practicing excellence on the little things. And lastly, don't forget to gather the positive evidence of all the things you're doing right, because I guarantee you it's more than you're giving yourself credit for. Let's look at my day. Let's use my day as an example. My alarm went off, I got up. That's one, that's one thing I did successfully today. I was getting ready to start my day, and you know what I did? I got dressed. I did. I put I put on clothes. So that's two I got two things already I did successfully today. And I went and worked out. So there's three, there's three things I did successfully today. And when I came back from working out, do you know what I did? I showered. That's four things already under my belt I was successful at today. And then I ate breakfast. I made sure I got food in my stomach. Five things I did successfully today. Are you kidding me? I haven't even started work yet. I'm like totally on a roll with my day. Are you doing that for yourself? Are you counting all of the things that you do successfully? Do you know what I did when I got to work? I logged into my computer. Yeah, that's right. I remembered my password. I'm pretty successful like that. And then do you know what I did? I checked my emails. Yeah, and I even had some I had to respond to, so you know what I did? I responded. Because I'm successful like that. That's what I do. I get things done. Oh, and then I had a phone call I had to make and you know what I did? I made it. Do you hear how insanely successful I am? Do you hear it? And then I had to talk to somebody about setting up a vendor for an event we're having, and I had to leave a voicemail. They didn't call me back, and do you know what I did? I forgot to call them back at the end of the day. Okay, am I a failure? Does that completely derail my day? Does that negate all the amazing things I did before it? I'm asking you, does it? Or is it just something I can do tomorrow? I got halfway done. I called the first time, I left a voicemail. Okay. Can you hear how easy it is to feel good about myself? And can you imagine how easy it is to feel confident about my abilities when this is how I track my day? Now, before we end for this week, let's talk about the faking it till we make it concept. Because, in a sense, yeah, that's kind of what it looks like. But reality is really different than that. And I'm gonna give you an example to help you see this. I actually went to a bar with my friend to demonstrate this, and this is what it looked like. I walked from one end of the bar to the other end, and I kept my head down, kept my eyes down, kept my shoulders hunched, just mouseied my way across. You've seen people walk like this, maybe you walk like this, you know what I mean. Nobody saw me, nobody moved out of my way, nobody smiled at me, nobody spoke to me. It was kind of a struggle to cross to the other side. And my friend just watched me go. And then I turned around and got ready to walk back. I did not change my hair, not the color, not the cut, not the styling, did not change my makeup, did not change my outfit, I did not lose weight, I did not gain weight. Nothing changed except how I carried myself. Shoulders back, head up, eyes bright, smile on my face, and I walked across the bar back to my friend. And do you know what happened? People said hey, people moved out of my way, men offered to buy me drinks. I wasn't having a hard time walking back to my friend because people were in my way. I was having a hard time walking back to my friend because of the amount of people that were engaging with me. What changed? Did I suddenly become more beautiful? Did I suddenly become smarter? Did I suddenly gain an amazing sense of humor? Or did I simply present myself differently? I didn't lie to myself or the people around me about who I was. However, how I was perceiving myself in those moments was coming across very clearly to the people around me. Now, of course, in this situation I was acting, because I'm an expert and I can do that. But it was an incredible visual tool to show that it's not about you being the perfect height or having the correct amount of facial hair or having the right bra size. It's not about losing weight or gaining weight. It's not about hiding the grays. It's not about having name brand clothing. It's not about having the right kind of car. It's not even about being the smartest or the cleverest or the most interesting. It's simply about being confident with who you genuinely are and the skills that you genuinely have, wherever they may be. It's about how you present yourself. Sean Stevenson did a similar example. If you're not sure who he is, go look him up. He is incredible. And if you can, find the story that he shares about when he went to a club with his friend, and his friend thought he couldn't get any of the girls to dance with him. And Sean Stevenson said, Watch this, and went out to the dance floor and had all kinds of girls dancing with him. It's not about what you think it's about, it's about what's on the inside and what you are projecting about yourself to the world. If anything about the confidence process is a lie, it's the thought that you don't have a right to be confident. It's the thought that you don't have anything to be confident about. It's the thought that confidence would look silly on you. This is something that has to change from the inside. We never stop being authentic. Just sometimes we have to take a moment to discover our authentic self that deserves to have our confidence. Give this a try this week. We will definitely talk more about how to build confidence. This is to get you started. I believe in you. You can do this. It's not hard. It just takes consistent effort, deliberate practice. If you need someone to touch base with you regularly throughout the week to hold you accountable for this, that's what I do. It's what I'm here for. You can always reach out to me, Christine at newbranchlifecoaching.com, or you can reach me through the Facebook group, Self Esteem Truths. Join us there, anyways, for more tips and thoughts and questions about self-esteem as we build our self-esteem together. You all have a wonderful week, and I will talk to you next time. Bye!
